he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
