I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
