i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You don't make any sense
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