If that was your dad, he is hot
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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