Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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