It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
