well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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