i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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