I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
