your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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