This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
