just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Your tits are I can't wait for
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Randomize
