I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
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Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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