I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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