Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
