Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
