I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
