So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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