i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
