I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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