Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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