Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
