Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
did i walk over a car last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
