so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
