I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just found a bag of teeth...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
