Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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