Where is the hickey?
I puked a lego.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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