he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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