I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
