I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
