Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
