if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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