I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
