atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
