Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
