What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what day is it and did you see me today?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
