I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
