I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
