Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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