Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
