And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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