she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
