my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
