careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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