Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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