She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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