I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
