you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
