My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
