In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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