my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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