I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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