I just made out with a guy for $7.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
organizing the empties. That sober.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
