he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
