I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I stole a fireplace last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
