Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
my being single is dangerous.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
