if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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