its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize