I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
