I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
