I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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