oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize