and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
