is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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