We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
