maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Fuck appropriateness.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
