you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
