I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
