worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
