Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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