Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
