just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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