I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
