Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
