Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
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