Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
