the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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