two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
