I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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