is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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